My son has a bestfriend and I am unashamedly jealous of their friendship! They are such a cute little packaged representation of what I would want my “best-friendship” to be. But alas, I have yet to be so fortunate! For years I have been struggling with this concept of “best-friend” and to date I am still unclear as to whether or not it is a “must have” component of humans existence or just a fancy term that people use to describe more stabilized friendships in their circle (I can see you all getting ready to defend but hear me out a bit).
I can recall walking from church with three young ladies in their adolescent stage and admiring the connection that they had among themselves. They were “best-friends” and very inseparable. One day I said to them (drawing on my years of experience): “I hope you guys realize that you will not have this close bond forever; it will change at some point.” Quite naturally they took offense- who was I to call the shots on their “best-friendship”. Fast forward to a number of years (kudos to them for hanging on that long-lol) but the relationship that they had has changed! They are very good friends but I doubt they will throw around the “best-friend” phrase as strongly as they did back then to describe their bond today. I have had numerous “best-friends” in my lifetime and for some very odd reasons these friendships always end pre-maturely. Naturally, I started assuming that there must be something wrong with me-sighs. Then I met a girl while doing my Masters and she had me examining the concept from a different perspective. This blog is just to pick the brain of my readers a bit so I hope you drop your views in the comments section on this “best-friend” phenomenon that has transcend time and is still baffling some of us.
Everybody wants to have someone to share some very important aspects of their lives with-be it good or bad. There is that innate need to connect on a closer level with someone other than your spouse or family members-someone you can call your bestie, bestie boo, ride or die or best-friend. That “go to” girl or boy who seems to get you and understand you; the one who doesn’t judge you so you can let your guard down and be real! I have come to realize that many persons (like myself) crave this type of friendship but do not have it. I have had friends but for some reason and at some point the friendship eventually takes a dive (still in the process of gathering data to understand the reason behind this occurrence). A few months ago, I posted on my WhatsApp status that I was seeking a “bestfriend”-my friend (I almost posted an ad in the Gleaner but re-considered because I did not want to be seen as that desperate-dwl). The response was overwhelming, I got quite a number of messages from persons (a little less than 50) indicating that they would be interested! I was amazed- first, because persons thought that I was worthy of forming such a close bond with (for a moment, I had doubted my friendship capabilities-lol) and secondly because a number of these persons already had close bonds of friendships that I assumed were “bestfriends”. Interestingly, having questioned “the applicants”, I realized that many persons had very good friends but few had a “best-friend”. Hence, I was not alone in my dilemma…thank God!
This, however, led me to reflect on the words of a friend who I met while studying. I had confessed to her my struggles with keeping lasting friendships because over the years I had gotten nothing but heartaches and so I did not want her to become another victim of my friendship statistics. We were extremely close for at least a year during the time of that study. We looked out for each other in every way imaginable; we saved seat in class for each other; we bought snacks to munch on during class for each other; we helped each other with assignments; we stayed on the phone with each other until each reached home safely (sometimes we both fell asleep during the call); we spoke about relationships; we spoke about religion; we were basically inseparable so much so that when our lecturers saw one without the other they would say, “Where is your twin?” It was the perfect “best-friend” scenario. But then, I finished my Masters a bit earlier than the other students and after several texts to all her numbers went unanswered, I realized that the friendship had taken a downward trend and quite abruptly and unknowingly too. I was devastated again! There really must be something wrong with me! I went all out to try and find her, sent messages on Facebook, searched Instagram, tried skyping as we usually did but with no success. That was three years ago and I spent a year trying to get back in touch with her with no luck. But, I recalled the conversation we had about how we should describe our friendship and she said: “Dev, lets not put a title on this friendship; let’s just go with the flow and wherever it ends up that was what was meant to be.” This also brought back the words of another male friend of mine, who told me several years ago that I needed to understand the concept of friendship a little more because some persons come into our lives for a reason and some for just a season. In essence, do not take it personal when some good friends you have just grew distant without any forewarning. There is a God in charge of the universe and he controls all the players in this game called life. He knows who to put where, when and for how long. The best thing to do is examine yourself and ensure that you are not the one who erred in speech or action and caused a good friendship to be terminated!
I do believe that bestfriends are a must have in everybody’s life BUT I also believe that God gives us that special friend for some necessary stages in our lives! It makes perfect sense then to appreciate the closest friend/s you have had to celebrate your high points and cheer you up in the low times. They are/were in your life, maybe for a season, but definitely for a reason!
What are your views on the bestfriend concept? Please share in the comments section. Until then, I am still searching for a friend to be silly with; dine out every now and again with; shop with; exchange gifts on Christmas with; pray with; fast with; chat for hours with; laugh with etc. etc. So if you know anyone or if you think you are that person-MESSAGE ME PLEASE!LOL!
Au revoir my lemonsandjuices peeps!