Oh dear, I know it’s been ages and I know you have all been waiting (some patiently, others impatiently). I have gotten the nudges, the shoves and even the “drape ups” in your phone calls, emails and text messages…lol. I also know the throats are parched and that you are anxiously craving some juice so let’s get right to it as you go get those glasses out, grab a few cubes of ice and get ready to pour-it’s juice time!
Earlier this morning-about 2:30 a.m-I was lying beside my husband and doing a little morning musings (as I get older, these become more frequent). As I looked at him, sleeping soundly and completely relaxed, I started pleasurably soaking up those facial features that I loved most and pretty soon I was reflecting on our journey to eleven years of marriage. Two impactful incidents or conversations immediately popped in my head that occurred during the first stage of our friendship. One of them will form the springboard for this edition of my blog…
During courtship, we went on a date and I thought the friendship was at a level where I could be a little less conservative in my dressing so I chose a top that would reveal just a hint of cleavage. As far as I was concerned, I looked sexy and there was no way he would not be appreciative of me stepping outside the box of my usual ankle-length skirts and turtle neck long sleeve tops (I can see you all rolling those eyes but yes that was my main mode of dress). I noticed however, that as soon as we met up, he seemed not his usual chatty and jovial self. I decided to just let things play out until he felt comfortable to talk about what was bothering him. Pretty soon, I realized that things were serious when no words were spoken until we reached our destination and he simply said: “Let’s walk.” As we found a quiet spot to sit, he stood and the alarm bells in my head started buzzing even louder but as far as I was concerned-I had done nothing wrong so it must be one of his usual “troubles”. Once seated, he looked at me and asked: “Why did you wear that blouse? You do realize that parts of your breasts are showing?” I was stunned! Then I became confused. Then angry. Which guy does not like to see a bit of skin? How dear him belittle my attempt at pleasing him? Was I now unattractive to him? Yup-I had a whirlwind of thoughts grappling for attention in my head. I took a breath to clear my muddled mind, then proceeded to explain that it was just a measly attempt to impress him. In a very perfunctory way, he told me that he was not impressed! (Oh for a hole to sink in and disappear!) He went on to point out that what first attracted him to me was my modesty and if we were to get married he wanted a chaste wife! I saw red! (Truth be told-I was mostly embarrassed rather than angry-lol).
After my husband (best-friend then) said that to me, I decided to question a few guys about the concept and really get the thoughts of some men because I thought this was what they delighted in. The responses were indeed enlightening. There are many of you, who thought like me, that the more we show or the tighter the fit, is the more attractive we are to our admirers. Too often, we assume that “sexy” is synonymous to “naked” or “tight”or “short”. This is actually far from the truth and I believe it is a misconception that the devil has used to get many of us to drop our standards and lower our value! Let us not be confused now, I am not suggesting that we all wear ankle length skirts and turtle neck blouse with long sleeve-absolutely not-lol (those little tight and “impy skimpy” outfits do have their moments*wink*). As ladies, however, we need to understand the power we possess, even when we are fully clothed. We need to improve the value we place on our selves and lift our standards! There are many of us who are guilty of not knowing our worth, hence, we lower our standard all in the hope of keeping or catching the attention of an admirer. For those of us who have been married for years, we will tell you that many times when our husbands find us very attractive or sexy was when we wore clothing that we believed was “un-sexy”. Solidifying the fact, that as ladies, we do not have to advertise body parts to captivate a good man’s attention.
I love Queen Elizabeth II and the other members of the royal family! There is a class and elegance that they live by which speaks volumes! They never lower their standards to accommodate guests; on the contrary-guests have to lift their standards to even get an audience with them or be in their presence! Ladies, we are royalty and it is time we understand the responsibility and power that we have with such a privilege. Flashing of skin does attract a man, but what kind? Men of class love women of class. They go for women who others can speak highly of and make them feel proud to walk alongside. Men revel in the honour of knowing that what others desire to see is wholly theirs to see in its entirety. A male friend of mine once said to me, “It is truly the woman who leaves me imagining what is beneath that attracts me rather than the one who has shown me and others all there is to see.” Men are natural chasers and instinctive hunters; they know the scent of good meat or game! If you are wanted, dressing half naked will not be necessary-trust me (take this from a girl who has had 3 or 4 serious marriage proposals before age 25 and I was fully clothed-lol).
When building a home, the initial market value is normally low but as each year passes and some sort of addition or “home improvement” is done, the market value is increased. In like manner, improving your value means that you should periodically add complements to your life such as a change in mannerism, a change in speech, a change in bad practices or a change in your spiritual condition in order to increase your “character worth”. As ladies, we must aspire to be a Queen Esther whose husband could not deny her wishes because she found favour in his sight (this was not just natural beauty but a spiritual aura that came from fasting and prayer). The beauty of improving one’s value is that it does not take great skill or qualification; it is just a new found appreciation for who you are and knowing that you have value! A woman who is without standards will really be bought for any price and sold below market value-don’t be that woman-lift your standards and your value will definitely be improved! Do not answer every whistle and cat call-choose wisely and make your value be known with every step, every swish of the hips and head held high as you walk in confidence knowing that you have standard and your value has increased! So ladies, if you want to know if you are valued and worth his attention, lift your standard-if he still hangs around there might be a future there BUT if his gaze starts straying and his attention gets less-RUN-he never really wanted you in the first place. It is important to note also, that our bodies will eventually undergo changes: some sections will sag and start looking droopy/withered; teeth will get missing and hair loss becomes a new trait. But, if the love was more than just an appreciation for your physical-none of that will matter-you had already established that you are a woman of worth! Keep those standards high and attract the right guy!
I hope that this was enough to get those throat muscles working as you took your swallow of cool cool lemonade! I await your usual interesting comments and feedback.
Until next time…